standing still
by bluinary
Summary: Until you find your soulmate, you're forever eighteen, you're frozen, you're standing still. Straightforward enough, but this arrangement isn't as simple as it seems. [eremika aruani jeanmarco rivetra/levihan yumikuri springles ]


**standing still**

 **i. children**

* * *

 **He blows out the candles and sighs. Another year.**

She grins and asks, trying her best at an impression of him, "What'd you wish for?"

"None of your beesewax," he retorts, pulling the candles out one by one. He licks the ends of them, wincing when hot wax hits his tongue. She rolls her eyes and takes them from him.

"Everything´s my beesewax, Eren."

He makes a rather sour face. "Not this."

There's a pause. She glances at him, at his near-adult features, balancing themselves between boyish and mature. They're vulnerable and rough and stubborn and expressive, all at once. And there is a good chance they'll stay that way. She knows that as well as he does.

"You wished to meet them, didn't you?" she asks.

His ears redden; his arms fold. He looks like a pouting kindergartener, embarrassed at being caught, not even sure if what he did was wrong, but guilty nonetheless.

Mikasa bites back a smile and takes a seat beside him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"Hey," she says softly. "You'll find them sooner or later."

"What if they die before I can, Miks?" he asks, staring at his plate. "What if they find someone else and decide they're happier with them? What if I just live for-fucking-ever, alone?"

She rubs his back. Exhales a perplexed breath. Sits in thought for a bit. Gains her smile again. Mutters, "Remember when we were kids, and we tried to get married?"

That cracks him. He snorts. "Yeah. Who proposed, again?"

"We fought over it. I let you win. So you did."

"I remember that our parents went crazy over it. I remember them taking pictures. We wore our finest Halloween costumes, and when they said ´kiss the bride´, I didn't know what to do."

Mikasa chuckles and groans. "You were the sloppiest kisser," she complains. "All spit, even with your mouth closed."

He nudges her playfully. "'Ey, at least I did something. You just stood there like a rock."

She freezes for a fraction of a second. _I could do better now_ , she wants to say, but she doesn't. They are best friends. Not soulmates. She would ruin everything.

So instead she laughs off the feeling and elbows him back. He sighs.

"At least I'll always have you," he says, resting his forehead in the crook of her neck.

She fights the butterflies in her stomach and strokes the nape of his neck. "Yeah," she says.

* * *

Years pass. They graduate with their bachelor's degrees, one in Criminal Justice, the other in Business. Eren gets a job at Sears. Mikasa is enrolled in the Police Academy. They continue to live together.

One Saturday morning, Eren looks in the mirror and realizes that he looks different. He can't specify why he does; he just does. His face has shifted, somehow.

"Do I look different to you?" he later asks Mikasa as she sips her tea. She glances up at him.

"I guess," she says. She's definitely noticed. He looks more and more like his father with each passing day, his green eyes and distinctly shaped nose overshadowing what she used to recognize as Miss Carla's features. And she doesn't understand why that is.

"Like...different how?" His brow is furrowed. He scoops off-brand Kix into his mouth and stares at the back of the box.

"You look like your dad," she says. "Your face is more….defined, I guess."

He blinks. "Wait, what'd you say?"

"You look like your dad," she repeats, thinking that's what he wants to hear.

He puts down his spoon. "No, the other thing."

"Your face looks more defined?"

He pauses and swallows, covering his mouth. "Holy shit. Holy shit, Mikasa, do you know what this means?"

She stares at him with confusion. "...No, I don't."

He stands and takes her by the shoulders. A few drops of milk cling to the stubble on his unshaven chin. He looks as though he's stuck his finger in a socket, his bedhead more than noticeable, his eyes impossibly wide, his entire body tense.

"Mikasa, _I'm aging_."

And that startles her, vibrates throughout her stomach, makes her turn pale.

"Y-you're what?"

He laughs, hugs her tightly, pulls back and pumps his fist, dancing around the kitchen in his sweatpants. "I'm fucking aging! Holy shit, Mikasa, I'm aging!"

And when he turns back to her, his eyes a hurricane, she tries her best at a smile, a genuine one.

"That's great!" she says, hoping she's a better actor than she gives herself credit for.

"I'm calling Armin!" Eren shouts. He sprints away to find his cell phone, and Mikasa is left staring into her lukewarm tea.

She pours it down the drain, finding her shoes and keys. She heads out the door and hops in the car.

She needs to be alone right now.

* * *

She stops in the parking lot of the nearest park and buries her head in her arms.

She does not want to cry, but damn it. She does.

He's met them. He is moving on with his life. He will age and die with them. And she will be left behind, standing still, living for eternity without him.

She stays in that car in the parking lot, sobbing, sleeping, staring into oblivion. She doesn't know when she'll want to leave.

* * *

Night falls. There's a knock on her window. Mikasa snaps awake and stiffens. Shit.

The knock comes again, this time louder, and she starts. She looks to her side. Her eyes adjust to the dark.

His face is pressed against the glass. It relaxes when their eyes meet.

She unlocks the door. He throws his arms around her.

"Dammit, Mikasa," he exhales, "where the fuck were you?! You didn't answer your phone, you didn't leave a note, you didn't tell anyone where the fuck you were going, nothing! You could've been hit by a fucking car! You could've been kidnapped! You could've decided to go on a hike and gotten lost, for all I know!"

She cherishes the feeling of his arms around her, so much so that her eyes well up again. She fights the tears, fights them ferociously, but damn, they're so heavy. They spill onto her cheeks. Eren takes her jaw and forces her to look at him. His face is open and vulnerable. His gaze burns through her, and she doesn't meet it.

"What's wrong?" he asks, scared. He hasn't seen her cry in years.

She sneaks a glance at him, but it's quickly turned to the steering wheel. He hugs her tighter.

"Miks. Tell me."

She is silent. He hugs her tighter.

"Please. I'm here for you."

When he says that, she cracks.

"You found your soulmate," she whispers. "And that means…."

"What? What does it mean?"

"...I'm going to be left behind."

He pulls back and stares at her. "What are you talking about?" he asks, almost angry. "There's no way in hell I'd leave you behind!"

"Not….not like that. I mean, yes, like that, but…..different."

"Different?" His eyes search hers for answers, but he finds none. None he can comprehend, anyway.

"I-" she stops. Meets his eyes. Takes a deep breath. " _I_ wanted to be your soulmate, Eren. Whether or not we aged. I wanted to be your partner. I wanted you. I _want_ you."

There is a moment where everything is still and her words hang in the air. Eren gapes at her, honestly surprised, and she watches him, exposed, bracing herself for his reaction, for what words he might choose to let her down, trying her best to determine how she'll handle it.

And then, Eren grabs Mikasa by the jaw and presses his lips against hers.

In that moment, something lurches in their stomachs. Behind their eyelids their lives flash, and they see one another as infants, as children, as teenagers, as young adults, in their middle ages, and with silver hair and wrinkles.

They break apart abruptly, gasping, gripping the door and steering wheel and blinking furiously to rid themselves of the afterimages.

Tears come to Eren's eyes. He laughs, the sound bubbling from his stomach and transforming into harsh, throat-wrecking guffaws before long. His nose and ears both are bright red. He has trouble breathing.

Mikasa joins him soon after, throwing her arms around him and curling her face into his neck.

"It was you," Eren gasps, his features stretched with pure joy. "Oh my god, Mikasa, it was you!"

She begins to sob and hiccup. Her face is flushed. She won't lift her face from his shoulder, glued to him.

As children, before they even knew what a soulmate was, the two had always imagined they would grow old together, would live their lives out side by side. It would only have been natural.

And now, here they sit, their fates set in stone.

How silly it had Mikasa been, how blind, to assume it would turn out any other way?

* * *

 **A/N: Inspired by a tumblr post I'm too lazy to link. Up next is aruani! Please review!**


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